The latest from Mark

You know what's awesome? The feeling as you slip under your covers to go to sleep for the first time after only getting a few hours of sleep the previous night. It's also cool once you fall asleep because you dream more and the dreams are more vivid (or at least they are for me). I had a few good ones this past week... unfortunately I only remember a few small details, otherwise I would finally have material to use for that book I've kept wanting to write. :-)

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I had lunch today with some people I worked with on my internship two summers ago. I had a good time and it was fun catching up on things. Unfortunately, this further strengthened my belief that I should be working right now instead of studying and working on assignments all night and day.

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The "hot stove" season—better known as the baseball offseason—is upon us. (Why the hell is it called the "hot stove" season? Does this make sense to anybody?) Things are going to start getting really interesting over the next few weeks and months. My main goals are still getting Carlos Beltran and Armando Benitez, finding some way to trade Sammy Sosa (could he be headed to Colorado? The Mets?), and getting a suitable shortstop and second baseman (plus an extra bullpen man or two). I'd love to have Nomar back at a reasonable price, even just for one year. As for second base, I've decided to forgive Todd Walker for being a little whiny about Steve Stone and Chip Caray and I'd like to have him back as a full-time starter next season.

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Speaking of Steve Stone, he announced today that he's not coming back in 2005. It's a sad day for Cubs fans everywhere but it does have us all wondering who will be in the booth in 2005. I, for one, would love Rick Sutcliffe as the color commentator; unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be too likely. Whatever happens, I have a feeling that I'll be watching a fair amount of games next year with the volume turned down and the radio turned on. Viva la Pat and Ronnie!

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Last but not least, I exercised my right to vote today. I won't tell you who I voted for but I will tell you to do the same thing next Tuesday (or earlier if you're voting absentee like I did).

-Mark

The Curse of the Bambino is OVER!

Wow, the Red Sox are world champs! Congrats to them for ending the third-longest championship drought in baseball (behind the Cubs and White Sox... figures). Now that we have one curse reversed, it's time for the other cursed baseball team to do the same. (Unless you believe in the new "Curse of the A-Rod," of course.) The offseason is here and, before you know it, 2005. Go Cubs, baby!

In other news, today was a good day. The last week has been hell and I've been incredibly busy, with stuff due nearly every day. Thankfully, I managed to finish my homework up early tonight, so I decided to reward myself by buying GTA: San Andreas. Played it for about an hour tonight. So far, so good. I'll post some impressions of the game as I make progress.

Um, it's time to watch some Alias. (That's the new show now that 24 is done for a few months.) Talk to you later.

-Mark

I feel like the Yankees

On Wednesday I felt like I had the equivalence of a 3-0 lead in the ALCS and I thought I was headed for the World Series. Then I had the carpet pulled out from under me and I lost the next four games. Suddenly, I wasn't looking so good.

As it is for George Steinbrenner and the Yankees, it's now time for me to move on to my "offseason." Unfortunately, unlike Big Stein, I don't have unlimited resources to make things better again next season.

If you don't understand a word of what I just said, don't worry about it. It sounded stupid as I was typing it. I just felt that this was a good analogy of how my week went. Sorry I didn't go into any more detail, I just want to learn my lessons and move on.

-Mark

I'm so emo 2: the sequel

After a very encouraging Wednesday for me, this week has gotten more and more sour by the minute. I'll save the explanation for a future date, unless of course things suddenly and magically change for the better.

As if that whole situation wasn't bad enough, I am starting to get pummeled by work. I have a test tomorrow morning, then two assignments to work on over the weekend. And THEN I have a 15-page paper that is due on November 6th, not to mention exams coming up in my other classes as well. I cannot emphasize enough how much I am looking forward to my month off for winter break. (Hopefully I can actually make it that far without imploding!)

In brighter news, I'm keeping up my workout schedule, having gone 5 out of the last 9 days. I'll admit it has helped curb some of my recent stress; unfortunately I'd need to work out 12 hours a day to eliminate it all. :-/

That's it for now. I hope you've had a better week than I've had so far.

-Mark

Man 1, Bank 0

http://www.man1bank0.com/

This is a pretty funny story. Check it out when you have the time.

-Mark

"I don't believe what I just saw!"

Thanks to the immortal Jack Buck for the title of this post. I am, of course, referring to the dramatic comeback in the ALCS by the Boston Red Sox, who climbed out of an 0-3 hole to beat the hated Yankees in Game 7 on their own turf. Just seeing all the speechless Yankees fans makes me want to cry for joy.

Although I don't feel sorry for most of the team, one Yankee I do feel sorry for is Kenny Lofton. This guy has had some bad postseason luck as of late. The last 3 years he has been mere outs away from one championship (2002 with the Giants) and two World Series appearances (2003 with the Cubs and this year with the Yankees). What's the guy got to do to get a break around here? I mean, come on, he signed on with the Yankees thinking something like this could never happen to the Bronx Bombers. I guess Big Stein will have no choice now but to trade him away for fear that they will choke again next year. (Hey, I hear the Cardinals are interested!)

Anyway, getting off of baseball for a moment, I just want to say that I'm feeling both good and bad at the same time. If you're reading this you probably already know why I feel good (except for my little sis because I forgot to call her). As far as why I feel bad, well let's just say that Tom Petty was right when he said that waiting is the hardest part.

-Mark

Harry's back!

Well, it's been an interesting and somewhat eventful few days for me. Before I get into any of that, however, I have to apologize to all my fellow Cubs fans, for I blame myself for the collapse this season. Why is that, you ask? Simple: I was without the Harry Caray bobblehead doll! Thankfully, he now rests on my desk once again, eager for the 2005 season to begin:

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's see what else is going on. Well, I went home this past weekend. Mike bought another Camaro, number four for him. Congrats to him on the purchase, although I think Chevrolet is just going to start having his paychecks direct-deposited into their bank account :-P

Here's a tough question: which sucked more, my day on Monday or Jonathan Quinn's performance for the Bears on Sunday? Well, as much as working on homework for 12 straight hours stinks, I'm afraid I have to go with Quinn. As awful as his stats were, he actually played worse than them. He may have had two or three passes that weren't over- or under-thrown all day. I never thought I'd want to see a rookie QB drafted in the fifth round this early in a season but nobody could be as bad as "Jonathan Quinn, Medicine Woman."

Getting off that depressing topic, I went to the rec center early this morning and did some running and rode the stationary bike. I've now gone three times in the last five days, and the two days I didn't go I wasn't in town. Hopefully I will have time to continue this trend. So if you see me, make sure you make fun of my extremely obese condition to shame me into going as often as possible!

And finally, as I promised last week, Wednesday's the big day. I'm too tired to talk about it now but if I'm not too busy maybe I'll divulge some information later today ;-)

-Mark

Bill has left the building

My good buddy and counterpart "twin," Bill Dunn, has moved out of our apartment in preparation for his forthcoming tour of duty in Iraq. There's not much to say other than I'm gonna miss him a lot and I hope he comes back safe and soon.

-Mark

I don't think they're Alec Baldwin fans

If you have any sense of humor whatsoever (and are not easily offended) you owe it to yourself to go see Team America: World Police.

That is all.

-Mark

Just like the dinosaurs?

According to a USA Today article, all of the work I've put into my computer science bachelor's degree and my forthcoming master's degree in the past five years will soon be all for naught. The author of this article clearly sides with the alarmists who feel that U.S.-based computer programmers are doomed to extinction. Personally, I don't share this gloomy attitude. I admit that the industry has become more competitive and that more jobs will continue to go overseas, but I cannot see how the entire industry will just suddenly disapper overnight.

Of course if the article is true, then I will have to choose a new career field. I wonder what I would do...

I suck at racquetball

Just got back from the rec center. Lifted some dumbells to help sculpt my future Mr. Universe physique and played 3 or 4 games of racquetball with Bill. He crushed me so bad it wasn't even funny.

Of course I got to check out all the hotties working out over there so it wasn't a total loss ;-)

-Mark

I'm so emo

Well, the thing being alluded to in my last post has been put off by a week. I'm not chickening out or anything, I just had something else come up that has priority. (It's true, I swear!)

In the meantime, to whet your appetite, let me share with you the story of the last time I asked somebody out. It was a couple of years ago (insert your "Mark is a loser" joke here) when I lived in the dorms. In the dorms you tend to see many of the tenants frequently, especially in the cafeteria. There were many girls I saw and, uh, kept my eyes on during meals but one of them captured my interest more than others. I won't say her name but I will say that she was cute and seemed to be very sweet. I often times tried to work up the nerve to approach her but, being me, I never did.

During this time I was frequenting the Newman Catholic Center. One Sunday I went to the leadership meeting and the girl from the cafeteria happened to be there. It was there that I learned her name and a little about her. I kept my eye on her the rest of the night until she got up to leave. Sensing a chance to talk to her I smoothly slid out of the room and followed until I met up with her about halfway back to the dorms. I introduced myself and talked with her the rest of the way back, and then we went our separate ways.

After this, I didn't see her in the cafeteria for a while. (To be honest, I didn't see her all that frequently before, but I wasn't really looking, either.) Not wanting to let my chance slip away, I did what any geek like me would do: I looked up her phone number using the university's online phonebook. A few days later I actually managed to call the number. Unfortunately, her roommate picked up the phone and I had to leave a message. The next few days I was on pins and needles waiting for her to call back. After a while I just figured it was a lost cause and decided to move on. Then late one night I was playing cards with the gang at the Trident I saw her walking past. She saw me and flashed me one of those innocent smiles. It was like she poured hot acid all over me. I was pissed.

When I got back to my room a little while later I immediately noticed the flashing red light on the phone indicating a voicemail message. I called up the number and, sure enough, it was the cafeteria girl calling to apologize for not returning my previous call and saying that she was going to be gone for the weekend (this was a Thursday night, in case you were wondering) but that she'd like to get together sometime next week. I was so thrilled I think I jumped for joy. Pretty pathetic on my part but that's just me.

So after a great weekend Monday arrived and I waited for her to call. For three days I didn't hear a word from her. This concerned me so I decided to give her a call but, of course, her roommate answered again. She did not sound too cheery when she was taking my message but I was hopeful that cafeteria girl was just bad about returning calls. Unfortunately for me she decided to blow me off and never called me back. I have some inkling that her roommate played some part in this and/or she started wondering how this guy she barely knew got her number. I honestly don't know why she never called back, but whatever the reason was it wouldn't have made me feel any better.

Over the rest of the semester I saw her a few more times. Once in the cafeteria I had to be verbally restrained from confronting her by Bill and Tim, but the other times I maybe strained to shoot her a weak smile but that was it.

Alright, enough of this emo shit. Jack Bauer's throwing a party and I'm invited. Time to go!

-Mark

Just one of "those guys"

Well I have less than 36 hours to formulate a plan of attack. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll leave it to Seinfeld to help clue you in:

Jerry: I can't take my eyes off this lineswoman. The woman is absolutely mesmerizing.

George: Boy you are really smitten.

Jerry: I gotta talk to her. What do you think?

George: Cold? How are you gonna do that? You're not one of those guys.

Jerry: I'm going to psyche myself into it like those people that just walk across the hot coals.

George: Yeah but they're not mocked and humiliated when they get to the other side.

Jerry: I have to. I won't be able to live with myself.

George: Wait a minute Jerry, there's a bigger issue here. If you go through that wall and become one of those guys I'll be left here on this side. Take me with you.

Jerry: I can't.

George: What are you going to say?

Jerry: I don't know, "Hi".

George: You think you're going to the other side with "Hi"? You're not going to make it.

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George: For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks.

-Mark

Spinning yarn

I've always wanted to write a great story. I love the idea of sitting down and creating an engaging work of fiction to share with others. This, of course, stems from my love of stories in all forms—movies, books, even some video games. I have tried several times to actually do this but I never get far at all. Part of it is just because I haven't spent the time to do planning, research, and all the work that goes into making a story engaging and interesting. Another reason is because I don't really have an idea for a story so I feel that, even though I am a good writer, whatever story I would write would be full of cliches and wouldn't be very original.

Still, I'm not giving up hope that, one day, I can put out a good story for others to read and enjoy. The story might never get published or made into a movie, but that's not why I want to write it so I'm not worried about that.

I don't know why I felt the need to share this... maybe I just want to write out my thoughts so that I force myself to think about them (and, hopefully, act on them).

-Mark

Life cycle

I found this quote and I felt the need to share it with one and all. It was attributed to George Costanza, which I'm pretty sure is erroneous, but here it is anyway:

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?!?

"I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby. You go back, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap. Then you finish off as an orgasm!"

-Mark

A tribute to Rodney

Rodney Dangerfield has always been one of my favorite comics. He has starred in some of the funniest movies I've ever seen (Caddyshack, Back to School, Easy Money) and his jokes have made me laugh out loud on a countless number of occasions.

Over the summer I read his recently-published autobiography and it was great. It was filled with a lot of humorous anecdotes and stories but also gave a lot more depth to a man that's often known as "that guy who can't get no respect." I highly recommend everyone to check it out.

And now, courtesy of an article from the Chicago Tribune, here are but a few of Rodney's many knee-slappers:

"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!"

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"Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me to pay in advance."

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"One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh."

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"Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H."

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"Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father died, they asked my mother, 'Paper or plastic?' "

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"My uncle's dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."

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"I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel."

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"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

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"I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor, so they sent a priest to talk to me. He said, "On your mark. . ."

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"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."

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"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West."

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"I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin."

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"I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend."

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"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

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"I tell ya, I'm an ugly guy. I went to the proctologist and he stuck his finger in my mouth."

-Mark

2004 Cubs post-mortem

What went wrong?

The 2004 Cubs season is officially over. 89-73 was the final record—one game better than in 2003 but about 6 or 7 wins less than they should have had, injuries or not. Whereas the 2003 club showed heart and played well down the stretch, this year's incarnation folded against some of the worst teams in baseball. The season was filled with whining, blown saves, poor managing, slumps, poor execution and, most of all, excuses.

I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for this team to have missed the playoffs. Even with all the injuries, whining, and sloppy play, we could have won the wild card with just 3 more wins in the last week or so (against the Mets and Reds). But even had we gotten to the playoffs, I doubt we would have made it past the first round. It is likely that our weaknesses would have come back to bite us in the ass. Here's what I'm talking about:

• We had perhaps the most one-dimensional offense I've ever seen. We hit a lot of home runs but failed to do the kind of things that win close games (which is a must come playoff time). Whenever I watched a game where the wind was blowing in at Wrigley, I knew the pitchers better throw a shutout because we'd be lucky to get 2 runs that day. We had little speed, couldn't run the basepaths, had trouble hitting with men in scoring position, struck out too much, didn't show enough patience, etc...
• While the starting staff was solid for the most part, the bullpen was entirely too inconsistent. Sure, there were a few great stretches for LaTroy Hawkins, Kyle Farnsworth, Jon Leicester, Kent Mercker, Mike Remlinger and company, but far more often these guys were in the news for blowing a lead. Hawkins is clearly not cut out to be a closer (though I think he is still a very good setup man).

What next?

1. Let all the whiners go, specifically Moises Alou, Todd Walker, and Kent Mercker.
2. Have Sammy Sosa get his head examined to find out what his problem is.
3. Sign Carlos Beltran, who tears it up in Wrigley Field. Let him patrol right field, with Sammy moving to left.
4. Sign Armando Benitez to be the closer, move LaTroy back to the setup role, and pick up another solid late-inning reliever for some depth.
5. Resign Nomar if it can be done relatively cheap, otherwise look elsewhere for a shortstop.
6. Sign a serviceable, healthy second baseman.

Dusty and Moises will be happy

It looks like Chip Caray and Steve Stone are going to be hitting the road. According to the Chicago Tribune, Caray is close to accepting a deal with the Atlanta Braves, which makes Stone's already precarious situation even more dicey. The crybabies on the Cubs' roster don't want him back (Dusty Baker has already said he won't participate in post-game interviews with Stone next year) and, with Caray leaving, I would not be surprised to see if Stone is shown the door in favor of an entirely new broadcast team.

This is, of course, a shame. I liked Chip and Steve and will miss their commentary and conversation. Okay, so Chip's kind of a dork, but the two of them had a good chemistry together. Stone, in particular, is a great analyst and I love the fact that he's not afraid to get on the players when they do stupid things. Unfortunately, there's nothing much Cubs fans can do other than sit back and see how things shake out.

Final thoughts

While some of my thoughts and recommendations may change in the five months before spring training starts next March, I think most of what I've said is right on track. Cubs fans have every reason to be optimistic about 2005. Barring injuries, we'll have a healthy Mark Prior (who was GREAT in September), a healthy Kerry Wood, a mature and dominant Carlos Zambrano, and the professor, Greg Maddux, in our starting rotation. (We'll probably fill the fifth spot with Ryan Dempster, who should be improved as he gets farther and farther away from his Tommy John's surgery.)

I'm assuming that the bullpen problems will be addressed in some way or another, and that the lineup will more balanced. If these changes are made and the Cubs can avoid injuries and stay focused, they will win the division next year. We've got a long way to go before then, however, so in the meantime let's enjoy the next month of peace after the last 6 months on the 2004 Chicago Cubs roller-coaster.